Some say having safe sex on the first date is wrong. This is a relativistic comparison. If you met for coffee, and spent the next twelve hours talking about your beliefs, your goals, and - equally as important - what constitutes a good sexual relationship, you may well be ready for safe sex, but not without a condom. A condom is not a sign of mistrust, but an acknowledgement that life is full of surprises, and - while both of you may be ready for intimacy, neither of you is quite ready to contract and STD or care for an unexpected child.
You might think you know everything about that other person. In fact, that person may not be aware that he (or she) has an STD. One in four HIV carriers is unaware they have the disease, and may not manifest distinctive HIV symptoms for 8 or 9 years after contracting the illness. It is nonetheless contagious without a condom, and spreads via oral sex almost as easily as via actual penetration. The same is true for syphilis in females; some women have no symptoms, but can readily pass the disease on to their partners if no condom is used. The herpes virus is always contagious, even when no symptoms are present, and the use of a condom is mandatory. Safe sex practices, and concern for the person you may want to spend the rest of your life with, demand you use a condom on the first date and practice safe sex, because neither of you can be absolutely certain how much you are sharing, and what effect it may have on your lives, either individually or jointly.
Safe sex depends on trust and understanding. Just as you can't trust what you don't know, you can't understand unless you talk, and safe sex is a supremely difficult subject. Married couples have difficulty talking about it; imagine how hard it is for two people to talk about safe sex who have just met.
The important thing is to be honest about safe sex and your sexuality. If you are a woman, be sure the new man in your life understands your unique prejudices towards safe sex and sex practices. If, for example, you are willing to engage in oral sex - but not just yet - make sure he understands that you need time. If you, as a man, object to the use of condoms for safe sex because they spoil your pleasure, you haven't tried one of the ultra-sensitive new condoms made by Trojan and Lifestyles. These condoms, with their extra-wide tip, are designed to heighten pleasure - not just for you, but for your partner as well.
If, after discussing safe sex, your sexual preferences and prejudices, you discover an area where you simply can't agree (for example, using a condom), it may be time to step back and reassess the relationship. You can continue the conversation - and the relationship, but without sex - until you arrive at a compromise, though you must never compromise your health and safety to please another. You can also seek counseling; some problems are purely psychological. If nothing is resolved, you will ultimately need to ask yourself if this is truly a person you want, and need, in your life.
This is why talk about safe sex must come first. Trust is an evolving issue, not something to be tested in the heat of the moment, when biological imperatives - created by chemical signals from the brain - override common sense, and you agree to eliminate the safe sex practice. You are no match for pheromones; Nature will have her way, as she has had for thousands of years. By the time you come to your senses, the damage will be done, and the relationship that might have evolved into something truly special will be spoiled for both of you.
Talk about what you are going to do before you do it, but talk about safe sex honestly. Admit your fears and concerns. If you want to make a great impression, save it for that job interview; this person needs to know who you really are today, not who you want to be tomorrow. Build trust, but always bring a condom and always practice safe sex.
For more information visit: Safe Sex : Talk About it First
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